


The 6 times Kozue successfully broke into Saionji's apartment, and the 7th time she wasn't so successful...

by celastris



Series: kozue and saionji end up friends after ohtori i will not be taking constructive criticism [2]
Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, I swear, Swearing?, a bit of sexual content alluded to, also kozue and saionjis friendship, and wakaba and saionjis healthy relationsjip, if anything is confusing, kozue and saionji are platonic, kozue's home life is a MESS, read my other fics, saionji being a decent person is explained, saionji is a good friend but he is getting fed up.., this is my fun little fic pls enjoy ajdfsjahk, yeah sorry in conclusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celastris/pseuds/celastris
Summary: One night, Saionji comes home to find a sobbing Kozue on his floor, and, despite his confusion on how she even got inside, lets her vent, watch 90 Day Fiance while they get shitfaced, and crash on his couch. It starts to happen more frequently, but Saionji figures that, annoying as it starts to become, she couldn't cause anyrealproblems, right?He was (very) wrong.(i promise my characterization makes sense if u open ur third eye)
Relationships: Kaoru Kozue & Saionji Kyouichi, Saionji Kyouichi/Shinohara Wakaba
Series: kozue and saionji end up friends after ohtori i will not be taking constructive criticism [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079657
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. How did you get in here??

**Author's Note:**

> honestly if you follow me as an author you'll know by now that my fics are just me and my maniac brain coming up with increasingly wacky ideas so. Happy reading! if you get confused by any of the dynamics here, read some of my other fics i will literally give you my kidney and my first born child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read the rest of my future au for more context, (they’re older and it’s 5-6 ish years after the ohtori shit show, there’s serious elaboration in some of my other stuff👁👄👁) i am begging you i’ll kiss u but as far as relevant basics go uhhh  
> \- saionji’s been to anger management therapy and this is well after ohtori (i go into it in my other fics) which is why he’s not fuckign insane  
> -kozue/miki’s parents are very messily divorced, (obviously they are there’s no WAY the two of them act like That with Stable Parents),  
> \- kozue is feral but that’s canon i think  
> -and this fic in particular takes place over a few years (you’ll see what i mean).
> 
> edit: this is long as hell im sorry gamers but the italics simply won’t cooperate no matter what i’ve tried and it’s been like a MONTH so,,, just pretend theyre there :)

The first time was far from an issue. 

While Saionji had been a little startled to walk into his apartment to find a sobbing Kozue curled in a fetal position on his living room carpet, he wasn’t nearly as phased as he should have been. Sure, his apartment was completely locked, and he couldn't think of _any_ possible way for her to have found her way inside, but knowing the younger girl, he wasn’t surprised. She was balls to the wall insane when she wanted something, and that combined with what little sense of self-preservation she had and her complete lack of limits and impulse control meant that breaking into an apartment was nowhere near the most shocking thing he had seen her do.

“Alright, hey,” he sighed, walking over and crouching down next to her after haphazardly kicking off his shoes, patting her back in an awkward effort to get her to calm down, “what happened to you this time?”

Normally she would have had some witty response to this, but in this very rare instance, she answered sincerely. Saionji _knew_ it was bad when Kozue wasn’t treating him like an asshole. 

“I g-got into a r-really b-bad fight with m-my mom, l-like a really f-fucking bad one,” she hiccupped, voice muffled as she ugly cried into one of his pillows. He was the tiniest bit peeved she hadn’t asked before getting snot and tears all over it, but he wasn’t enough of a douchebag to mention this while she was curled up like a hysterical armadillo on the ground.

“Uh, do you want to talk about it?” The taller man asked in what he hoped came across as a genuinely concerned, not-forced or horrifically awkward tone.

“Not really, I just wanted some company I think,” she replied softly, curling further into herself, “talk to me about something stupid, I need a distraction.”

He got down next to her to lean back against the coffee table, sitting on the floor with his long legs splayed out in front of him as he did his best to think of a conversation topic.

“Well actually, something interesting _did_ happen at work…”

Saionji went on to talk about the special Kendo workshop he was getting to teach at the gym later that week, and how excited he was for that. Kozue, as rare as it was, listened attentively as she slowly hauled herself up to sit next to him. He felt uneasy about the prospect of sending her home like this, and figured it’d be better to keep her where he could see her, just in case she decided to do something manic, stupid, or Kozue-esque on her own.

“You look like shit and it’s dark out, wanna stay here tonight? You can crash on my couch, I have some leftovers, some booze, a spare blanket, and a couple episodes of 90 Day Fiance on my DVR,” Saionji offered, expression sympathetic as he playfully shoved her shoulder and smiled.

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Kozue sniffled, voice tinged with a slight rasp from all the crying. Wordlessly, he got up to go fish out a blanket from his room and some stuff from the kitchen, leaving Kozue to situate herself on the couch. By the time he had come back, she was already gone, softly snoring with one arm hanging off the side of the couch, clearly tuckered out from her emotional breakdown. Saionji just chuckled to himself and draped the blanket he had over her, tucking it in by the sides and pulling her hanging arm back onto the couch before switching the lights off and heading to bed himself. 

That girl was a _major_ pain in the ass sometimes, but he worried about her nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also touga’s in prison in case you were wondering i touch on it more in my other fics but i HATE that motherfucker and HATE how he treated saionji like i could do a ted talk on how awful their relationship was and why i will never try or WANT TO redeem that rotten tomato ass bitch ok rant over


	2. Flat Soda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the flat soda joke is funnier if u read my chat fic but basically its just about how i headcanon saionji as someone who intentionally leaves his soda out to go completely flat before drinking it and everyone else thinks its disgusting askfjshkf

The second time wasn’t too much of an issue either, but a warning beforehand would have been nice. 

Saionji whipped his head up from the counter, startled as he heard the window rattle behind him, followed by shattering porcelain and a series of swears. Normally, he would have been up and alert immediately for some sort of home invasion situation, as any person would be, but being met with the mop of indigo hair and paint-splattered t-shirt on the girl currently halfway through his kitchen window, one foot in his sink and one dangling outside, he faceplanted back down onto the countertop with a groan. He had more plates, he’d be fine.

"The ritz crackers are in the cabinet by the window, your spare pajamas are in the bottom right dresser cabinet in the bedroom, you can sleep on the couch, clean up the broken plate, and _please_ bring me the vodka from the freezer,” he sighed dejectedly, words muffled by his arms and the cold marble below him, tendrils of forest-green locks splayed across the countertop.

After gathering an armful of snacks, (and vodka), Kozue yanked on his hair, pulling him up and out of his moping with a grunt before grabbing his arm and tugging him over to the couch. He plopped on the sofa unceremoniously with a scowl, grumbling something indiscernible as Kozue joined him. She sat criss-cross and pivoted towards him, cheeks puffed out in mild frustration.

"Alrighty, what’s your damage before I get into my shit—spill” she ordered lightheartedly, squishing her stoic friend’s cheeks together like a fish until he stopped frowning aggressively.

“It isn’t a big deal, just get on to why you broke in my window like a fucking maniac, please.”

“Don’t be a little _bitch_ ,” the aubergine-haired girl warned with a glare, causing Saionji to sigh and give in, responding at last.

“I accidentally spilled grape Fanta all over Wakaba’s sweater while she was over today, and while yes, she _said_ it was alright, she also left immediately after to go finish some schoolwork,” he explained, fidgeting with his hair as he spoke, “which I think is code for “I hate you and I am never speaking to you again.”

Kozue seemed to ponder this for a moment before responding.

“Was it flat?”

“What?” 

"The soda, was it flat?” 

" _YES, IT WAS FUCKING FLAT_ ,” he yelled, face reverting back to its original scowl as she punched him in the arm lightheartedly, laughing a little. 

"I’m just messing with you dude, she doesn’t hate you over some spilled soda, I promise you she’s _way_ too lame to be that insane,” Kozue chuckled, stretching out across the length of the sofa with her feet swung over Saionji’s legs. Saionji did not, in fact, think Wakaba was lame at this point in his life, but he was too tired to start an argument about the matter.

"Alright fine, _maybe_ you’re right,” he grumbled, trying to situate himself comfortably under the weight of her legs, “anyways—what’s your damage this time?”

“So my dad’s getting divorced _again_ —third wife this time, which is fun,” Kozue replied nonchalantly, ripping open a sleeve of Ritz crackers and popping one in her mouth as if she was casually reading off a shopping list.

Saionji just let her vent, the two passing the vodka and Ritz crackers between one another as they talked. They did this for hours, well past midnight until they finished off the box and the younger girl passed out, splayed across the couch cushions. He couldn’t move without waking her up, so the older one just did his best to fall asleep in the uncomfortable position he was in, willing to deal with the awful crink in his neck he anticipated the next morning.

He really did love the girl—he practically saw her as a younger sister at this point, as irritating as she could be. However, he had a growing feeling that the random breaking-and-entering could begin to yield some real problems…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boy this is fun to write im havin a time,,, leave some kudos or a comment if u like this or have any ideas lol


	3. Too Close For Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now things start getting dicey babie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the italic formatting for this chapter, and basically this entire PIECE, said no❤️

The third time started to present some problems.

*CRASH*

“Goddammit,” Saionji hissed, whipping his head around at the sound of _another _plate being broken. _How many plates did this bitch think he had?___

____“How fucking hard. Would it be,” Saionji snapped, voice tense and gaze cast to the floor as he tried to calm down, “to just _text me_ first.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah but what if you were busy?” Kozue replied, swinging her legs across the sink to perch herself on the countertop, leaning back against her elbows as she spoke, “And get a shirt on, there are children present.”_ _ _ _

____“You are _not_ a child, you are 20, and this is _my_ apartment—and I WAS actually, had you climbed through my motherfucking window _20 minutes earlier_ , Kozue,” he punctuated his words a sharp wave of his arm, “you would have seen my dick out. _IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?_ ”____

__________She, of course, did the exact opposite of what he wanted her to—she began to laugh her ass off. Saionji couldn’t get a word in edgewise with her cackling like a hyena at maximum volume, tears in her eyes as she tried to calm down enough to speak. Once she had managed to catch her breath long enough to form a coherent sentence, she responded, wiping her eyes with her sweatshirt sleeve._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“As fun as it would be to finally see what a 1-inch dick looks like in person, I think I’m gonna pass this time, sorry,” she sighed, still coming down from the throes of hysterics, much to the taller one's chagrin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Saionji took a deep breath as she turned away from him, digging through his pantry once again for god knows what while he regained his composure. _I went to anger management counseling for a reason_ , he thought repeatedly to himself before proceeding.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Tell me why I shouldn’t kick you out of my apartment right now,” he demanded, thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Kozue twisted backwards, balanced atop the granite countertop on her knees, mouth crammed with Cheez-Its as she attempted to give a muffled response._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“So my second stepdad cheated on my mom and I’ve been dragged into it somehow, and it was either have a nervous breakdown at home or climb through your window,” she reached for the nearest half-full glass of water to wash down her chipmunk cheeks full of crackers before continuing, “so I took the latter.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Saionji, admittedly, was starting to get a little tired of these random break-ins, especially now that they were getting more dicey. This time, Kozue had been uncomfortably close to walking in on him and Wakaba, (who luckily had left earlier to go home and rest before an early morning class the next day), was _not_ feeling that. However, he didn’t have the heart to kick her out tonight, given the circumstances and how fragile she probably was psychologically, (sweet lord this girl needed a therapist and some mood stabilizers), regardless of her cocky façade, so he decided to once again let it go. ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Alright, _fine_ , you can sleep on the couch, but this is the last time you’re doing this without telling me first, understand?”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The girl was already halfway to his bedroom to hunt for her spare pajamas before he could even finish speaking, shouting out a faint ‘thanks dude!’ from down the hallway. Tuckered out from yet another day of this bullshit, Saionji walked over to his couch and faceplanted on it, groaning into one of the pillows as he heard the sound of Kozue returning to the living room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Contrary to his (unrealistically optimistic) hopes, this would not at _all _the last time this would happen.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Not by a long shot._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is clown McClownerson welcome to the disney channel i hope u enjoyed this chapter, (all .00005 members of the rgu fandom)


	4. Keep Your Voice Down, Goddammit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im too braindead for chapter summaries so get ready for a party gamers

The forest-haired man hummed in annoyance as he fiddled with dials on his stovetop, not sure why he couldn’t get the burner to start. _Is it really so much to ask_ , he thought to himself, _to have a nice, smooth, morning where I can make some goddamn pancakes in peace?_

____His train of thought, however, was interrupted by a variable _far_ more distracting than a faulty stovetop, which he soon learned would be the last thing on his mind that morning.___ _

______“Jesus fucking _christ_ ,” Saionji hissed, whipping around as he heard a glass shatter. _At least it wasn’t another plate this time_ , he thought to himself sarcastically, _gotta love some variety_. ______

____________Kozue was flat on her back on the linoleum floor, wind knocked out of her but otherwise seemingly alright. Saionji turned on his heel and extended a hand to her, helping her to her feet before planning how to approach reaming her ass for breaking into his apartment at the _worst_ time possible. ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Do you just not wear shirts, cause that’s kinda weird dude—do you just not get cold or some shit,” the younger girl asked, clambering back on the counter to reach the Tostitos she knew were kept on the top shelf of the pantry cabinet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Keep your voice down—why the hell are you _here?!_ ” He scolded, hands threaded in his hair anxiously as he glared at Kozue. ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“Why do I have to be quiet old man, you live alone,” she replied, already shoving tortilla chips in her mouth with reckless abandon._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“I AM _NOT_ ALONE, WAKABA IS ASLEEP, AND IF YOU WAKE HER UP I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU,” Saionji whispered even more harshly, finger pointed at her for emphasis, “NO ONE WILL FIND YOUR BODY. THAT IS A _PROMISE_.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Oh my god, you actually got her to deal with your ass for an entire night instead of fucking it up with your complete inability to talk to women!” Kozue snickered, completely ignoring him and continuing to speak at full volume as she leaned back against the counter. Saionji just shook his head in irritation, grabbing the broom and dustpan from the corner and crouching down to sweep up the broken glass on the floor around them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You’re going to break your leg coming in like that one of these days, you know,” he grumbled in the most condescending tone he could muster, just loud enough for Kozue to hear him from where she was standing. She giggled before responding, (remaining loud enough to make Saionji strongly consider whether it was worth it to get caught strangling the indigo-haired nuisance into shutting up)._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You _wish_ I would break my leg, it would be the best thing that ever happened to you,” Kozue scoffed, not even making an effort to whisper as she hopped back up to sit on the counter, crinkling the plastic chip bag as loudly as humanly possible as she dug out another handful of them. ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Is everything alright in there?” They both heard a groggy feminine voice call out from the hallway. Saionji gave Kozue the harshest death glare imaginable, calling out a ‘yes’ back to Wakaba before turning back to his (possibly soon to be deceased) friend._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“When I come back,” he threatened, sharply gesturing to the window for emphasis, “I want you gone. Understood? Or I will never let you in this apartment again, I swear to _god_ , Kozue.”___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________The younger girl rolled her eyes and snickered faintly, which Saionji hoped meant an affirmation on her part, but didn’t have the time to stand around and bicker with her, only to have Wakaba make it to the kitchen. This being said, he gave her one last glare and turned on his heel, flipping the younger girl the middle finger and walking off to the bedroom._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Kozue, merciful as she was feeling that day, took this as her cue to leave, fully intending on coming back later for more tortilla chips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________________It was moments like this that Saionji Kyouichi wished that:  
a) Murder was legal.  
b) Things could not possibly get worse, because they _couldn’t_ at this point, right?___ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kozue gon die soon and i love writing her as a menace to society >:3


	5. I Didn't Know You Could Braid!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm too tired to be good at chapter summaries but wakaba is everything to me and saionji is so close to committing Crimes against kozue the lovable emotionally unstable gremlin i write her to be also ITALICS FINALLYYYY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wakaba has no idea what's going on and thinks saionji is just being a dick and it is FUNNIE bc hes exhausted and kozue is my little shit gremlin child

Wakaba blinked rapidly as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, trying to adjust to the scene in front of her.

It was really the draft that caught her off guard at first, causing her to pull the unbuttoned dress shirt she had hastily thrown on tighter around her chest. Originally, she had crawled out of bed to scrounge around Saionji’s kitchen for a glass of water, but this thought fell to the wayside as soon as she entered the dimly lit room.

Kozue was dangling through the kitchen window, hips straddled over the sill, one leg in the half-full sink and one leg still outside. She had somehow contorted her body to reach her arm into the kitchen cabinet nearest to her by the time she was walked in on, cardboard box open on the counter and cheeks already crammed with Triscuits. Honestly, it was a little impressive.

“Oh hey!” Kozue chirped, words muffled as she chewed, “didn’t expect to see you here! How’s school?” 

Wakaba was still a bit startled by the sheer absurdity of being asked this mundane of a question by a girl dangling halfway through her boyfriend’s second story window, but did her best in turn to respond with an appropriate amount of concern.

“Oh my gosh, get inside! Are you okay??” she exclaimed, rushing over and already helping Kozue inside before she had a chance to register otherwise.

“Funny you ask actually,” the younger girl responded, hauling herself out of the sink, off the counter, and onto the linoleum floor, still clutching the Triscuit box for dear life, “cause my dad’s actually getting divorced _again_ which means,” she stopped for a moment to count her fingers under her breath, “that makes a grand total of seven divorces across him and my mom at this point! It’s all kind of messing with my ~psyche~, and I usually come here when I get fucked up.”

Wakaba didn’t quite know what to make of this, but was far too concerned to not at least try and comfort her, putting aside the _many_ questions she had for Kozue at the moment. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” She inquired softly, to which she received a negative head shake as Kozue continued to stuff Triscuits into her mouth like she would never see a box of crackers again. She figured that was fair, Kozue didn’t seem like much of a talker, and 3 am wasn’t the ideal time to try and force her to open up about it. Regardless, if she’d gone through all of this work just to get here, Wakaba was determined to comfort her somehow. 

“Do you want a hug?” the redhead cooed softly, relieved to be met with a quiet ‘yes’ from the girl across from her. Kozue slid off where she was leaning on the counter to shuffle over to Wakaba, embracing her tightly and sniffling a little bit into her shoulder. They stood there for a few minutes, Wakaba petting her hair and whispering light affirmations to the younger one as she cried herself out. 

The two giggled lightly as they pulled apart, Wakaba flitting around the kitchen to find a paper towel before bringing it to Kozue to dry her eyes. 

“Damn, he didn’t even give you one of the good shirts, huh?” Kozue chuckled, wiping her nose as she gestured at the shirt Wakaba had thrown on over her underwear when she stumbled out of bed. She blushed a bit at this, not actually paying any mind to what she was wearing until now, but figured it was far too late at this point to feel self-conscious about it. Besides, she hardly had any time to stew in her embarrassment as the two heard an exasperated voice from down the hall.

 _"WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN AT 3 AM KOZUE,"_ they heard from down past the doorway, footsteps increasing in volume on the hardwood floor.

Saionji came into the kitchen, groaning and burying his face in his hands upon seeing the younger girl in his kitchen at such an insane hour of the morning. He looked very disheveled, having thrown on a ratty old t shirt and sweatpants, his hair tied back in a messy braid and his eyes noticeably ringed by dark circles. 

“The braid is cute, did you do it? Last time I checked, you couldn’t tie shoes so—” 

“Wakaba, can you do me a favor and call Miki, see if he can take her?” He asked, voice monotone and seemingly beyond exhausted as he leaned against the fridge, practically falling half-asleep as he did. 

“On it!” She chirped, pulling up Miki’s contact on her smartphone and calling him, waiting through the dial tone.

“Hey Miki, what’s—wait a minute, are you alright?”

Rather than being met by a ‘hello’, Wakaba had been met with the sound of incoherent sobbing, as well as the faint sound of The Sunlit Garden in the background. Being that it was 3 am, this made things all the more concerning, as it was common knowledge among them all that Miki playing that particular song in any shape or form nowadays meant that he was probably on the verge of a mental breakdown. She decided it was best to hang up and shoot Juri a text to check on him before turning back around to Kozue and her barely-conscious boyfriend. 

“I’m sure Saionji would be alright with you sleeping on the couch tonight, wouldn’t you,” She asserted cheerfully, turning to Saionji for approval with a pleading smile.

“Fine, whatever but I’m going back to sleep—I’m sick of asking you this but send me _a fucking text_ next time, alright?” he grumbled, already walking out of the kitchen. Wakaba gave Kozue a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder as he did, winking at her playfully.

“I did it by the way, he’s still _hilariously_ awful at tying things—I know your hair is short but I could braid some of it too if you want!”

“That’d be great! Any fucking distraction would be good right now,” Kozue sighed as Wakaba led her over to the couch, sitting her crisscrossed on the floor and plopping down behind her to get started. She began to run her hands through the younger girl’s hair, doing her best not to yank on any tangles as she started sectioning parts off. 

“He’s just being grumpy, why don’t you talk to me about what’s going on, hmm?” Wakaba reassured her as she began to french braid a section of her blue-purple hair, sliding the hair tie she had on her wrist off to secure the end of it as she weaved the strands together. 

“I CAN HEAR YOU, AND I AM _NOT_ GRUMPY,” they heard an exasperated Saionji, muffled a bit by the wall, call out from the bedroom, “JUST STOP BREAKING IN MY FUCKING WINDOW. IF YOU TEXT ME FIRST, _I WILL OPEN THE FRONT DOOR FOR YOU_.” 

Wakaba rolled her eyes as Kozue chuckled lightly, shoving a few more Triscuits in her mouth before the older girl commented softly from behind her. 

“He’s right though—next time, maybe send a text first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he green, he grumpy, therefore PEMDAS he Oscar the Grouch i will not be taking constructive criticism.


	6. Scary Berry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you think I know how to write chapter summaries?? Hopefully if you're on Chapter 6 of this you know what the general idea is so happy reading clowns, honk honk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scary Berry Kool Aid is actually limited edition i looked it up also i am ass at writing real human intimacy so thats y u only get like two sentences of it lmaoooo

“F-fuck,” Wakaba sighed, tilting her head to allow better access to her neck as she threaded her fingers through, (moderately tangled) forest-green hair. 

Saionji shifted his grip to her waist, pinning her against the wall with a smirk, only to be met with a very loud, abrupt sound as he did. A look of horror spread across his face as he immediately stepped back, letting out a stream of frantic apologies. 

“Oh my god, are you alright, I had no idea I was being that rough I am so so sorry Wa—” 

“That wasn’t me, Saionji.” The redhead said, expression very confused as Saionji knitted his eyebrows in concern for a moment. 

No.

_No._

_"OH MY GOD DID WAKABA JUST SAY FUCK,"_

Before he could say anything, the aforementioned woman was already making her way to the kitchen to console Kozue on god-knows-what. _It isn’t even remotely difficult to text me first, it takes two motherfucking seconds_ he thought to himself, stopping at the sofa to pick up a throw pillow and scream into it before meeting the other two in his kitchen.

In that very moment, the only thing stopping him from throwing her back out the window was that he couldn’t get his ass thrown in jail. Touga was in prison, and he _hated_ that snively, backstabbing, manipulative, narcissistic, arrogant, pathetic, attention whore, disgusting son of a bitch. Therefore, sadly, he had to pass on the defenestration for now. 

By the time they had both made their way into the kitchen, Kozue was sitting on the floor, legs splayed out in front of her, surrounded by Kool-Aid packets from Saionji’s pantry as she frantically poured them into an opened Smirnoff. 

“Wait, don’t do that!” Wakaba exclaimed, anxious about the psychological state of the girl in front of her. 

“Yeah, don’t touch the Scary Berry ones, that shit was LIMITED EDITION,” Saionji added with a scowl. 

“Too late,” Kozue replied, arms shaky as she held up the packet she had just emptied, confirming that it was, indeed, Scary Berry Kool Aid.

“ _That’s_ where your priorities are??” Wakaba hissed at him, a rarely-seen irritated look on her face. 

“She’s done this before, and she _knows how I feel about my Kool-Aid stash_ ,” he hissed back, motioning for Wakaba to stay there as he walked over to Kozue, crouching next to her on the floor. Luckily, she had only gotten through one of the Kool-Aid packets, but even with the Smirnoff still full, her breath already smelled like alcohol. 

“Alright, so we’re not going to do _this_ ,” Saionji chastised, snatching the bottle and handing it behind him to his girlfriend before Kozue could react fast enough to stop him. She let out some sort of disgruntled whimper, crossing her arms and slouching further back against the cabinets as Wakaba flitted away to hide the vodka. As irritated as he was at her doing this _again_ , he knew that letting her drink any more than she already had would be an indescribably shitty thing to do.

“So, you still didn’t text me, huh.”

“My phone died,” Kozue whined, voice still drunkenly slurred, “I was playing Nyan Cat.” 

This was a lie, evident by the fact that her phone was in her lap and fully powered on, but she seemed way too out of it to notice this. 

“Life fucking sucks, Saionji,” she groaned, glaring at her friend unconvincingly, “just give me the _booze_ , goddammit.”

He wordlessly got up and grabbed a few of the Kool Aid packets, pulling out the pitcher of water he kept in the fridge. The younger girl hauled herself up to see what was going on, only to have a full glass of Scary Berry Kool Aid thrust in her face. 

“This shit is _limited edition_ , you know I had to practically kill someone to get it,” he said, bargaining with her, “so I’ll give it to you, and you’re going to go to the couch, drink it, eat something, and then pass out. Understood?”

She gave a slight nod and grabbed the cup with both hands, making her way over to the couch where she inevitably spilled a bit of the dark liquid on it. Saionji pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out an exasperated groan, going to grab the blanket out of the corner of the room and hand it to the still-tipsy girl. 

“We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Please only wake me up tonight if you’re dying, I am _so_ fucking exhausted Kozue,” the very much burnt-out man pleaded, to which the girl gave another shake of her head. Saionji patted her shoulder as he hauled himself up, going to the kitchen to put the water pitcher back before going to bed.  
By the time he’d done that, he popped his head in the living room one last time to see an already asleep Kozue snoring softly. He just ran his hands through his hair with a sigh, walking off to faceplant into his pillow and pass the fuck out himself. 

As he drifted off to sleep, one recurring thought rattled around in his head. 

She _had_ to stop doing this. She _had_ to stop.

_And he had no idea how to stop her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teeheehee we are reaching the end, what shall happen..... who knows.......... oooooooo


	7. Code Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the 7th time, my friends. Y'know, like the title. Of the fic. Anyways, this was really fun to write so happy reading lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot pretend i know anything about how hospitals and injuries work, despite the spicy amount of times i myself have been in the hospital-- i have dumb bitch disease but anyways this was soooo fun ENJOY

“P-please don’t stop,” Wakaba sighed, lightly grinding on her fern-haired partner’s lap. 

“Yeah? You like tha—” 

*CRASH*

“ _FUCK_ ”

The two broke apart immediately to whip their heads around, startled by the loud bang and subsequent bloodcurdling scream that had just come from their kitchen. 

Wakaba remained frozen as a deer in headlights, a stark contrast to Saionji who got up immediately, haphazardly pulling on his boxers, jeans, and grabbing a t-shirt flung over the arm of his couch before heading to the kitchen with the intent to kill. _One night_ , he grumbled to himself, _I just want one fucking night WITHOUT THIS_. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KI—” Saionji was already shouting before trailing off mid-sentence, taking in the sight before him sprawled out on his kitchen tile. 

Kozue was lying on the linoleum floor, hissing out a steady stream of swears, her left leg bent at a _very_ unnatural angle as she groaned in pain.

“I don’t think it’s s-supposed to bend that way,” Kozue whimpered, stubbornly trying to haul herself up against a cabinet as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. 

“Shit,” Saionji muttered, running a hand through his hair as he took a moment to think of what to do. There wasn’t really much else to do except take her to the hospital, he supposed, and save the livid ass-reaming for afterwards.

“Oh my god, are you okay??” Wakaba exclaimed, hastily finishing the last button on her shirt as she rushed over to kneel by Kozue and take her hand. She paused comforting the girl for a moment to turn and shoot a death glare at her boyfriend, murder in her eyes as she spoke. 

“Are you just going to stand there and look pretty or are you going to fucking _help me??_

Her jarringly uncharacteristic change in tone snapped him out of his daze, Kozue’s eyes blown just as wide at the expletive. It goes without saying that Wakaba very seldom swore, and that it was borderline _dangerous_ to argue with her when she did. 

“Yes, of course, s-sorry—go start the car, I’ll bring her out,” Saionji stuttered, crouching at Kozue’s other side, carefully hoisting her up in his arms while being wary of her injured leg. 

“Alright!” The older girl responded curtly, flitting to grab the car keys off the hook by the door and slipping her sneakers on as Saionji followed behind her, doing the same. 

“Damn shawty, do you pick up Wakaba like this,” Kozue lilted dramatically, wiggling her eyebrows for emphasis with a smirk as Saionji rolled his eyes.

“I work at a gym.” He responded curtly, unamused as he pushed the apartment's front door open with his shoulder, kicking it shut behind him and deciding not to give a shit about locking it, hoping no one felt inclined to break in that day. 

“Also, do you have any gum or something?” Kozue asked ever so casually, as if her leg wasn’t in excruciating pain, “cinnamon, preferably.”

“Do you _really_ think that you’re in a position to be making commands?” Saionji scoffed with a huff of annoyance, shifting his hold of her for a second to yank the car’s rear door open before doing his best to gently settle her into the backseat. 

“Saionji. BE NICE.” Wakaba snapped, sliding into the front seat before Saionji could argue in favor of driving, securing her seatbelt across her front aggressively and glaring at the two others to do the same before pulling away and out of the parking garage. 

The tension in the air was palpable, with everyone in the car either irritated, concerned, or a mix of the two— (save for Kozue who was obviously, additionally, in quite a bit of pain). Saionji fiddled with the radio absentmindedly to keep his mind off of things, cycling through the stations indecisively to the irritation of everyone present. 

“Pick a fucking station, Saionji.” Wakaba snarled, eyes focused on the road as the other immediately removed his hand from the dial, leaving it on some country music station none of them had ever heard of. 

All three of them hated country music. 

“Would you rather me drive?” Saionji asked hesitantly, placing a hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder only to have her shake it off. Her expression settled into a scowl as she swerved left through a four-way intersection, completely ignoring the stream of incoming traffic that had yet to finish going straight. 

“No, I’m fine. Do you have any gum?”

“Sure,” he replied nervously, pulling a pack of cinnamon gum from his jean pocket, “is cinnamon okay?”

“So you DID have gum, _asshole_!” Kozue shouted, the man up front choosing to pretend he didn’t hear her as he slipped the pack back into his pocket. 

“Sweetie, can you please not yell while I’m driving?” Wakaba pleaded softly, glancing back at the injured girl in her rearview mirror, eyebrows knit in concern. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive, babe?” Saionji chuckled nervously as Wakaba merged onto the highway blindly, barely avoiding colliding with another car as she sped up to 20 over the speed limit. 

“I’d rather risk her totaling the car than have you get our asses _shot_ with your goddamn road rage, _just let the woman drive_!” Kozue yelled from the backseat, somehow still able to make a snarky comment in the midst of having a literal broken leg. 

“I don’t have fucking _road rage_ , and that’s priceless coming from you, do you even have your license back after the last time you—” 

They were both cut off by a disgruntled Wakaba, gripping the steering wheel as she screamed over their petty bickering, blowing a loose hair out of her face with a scowl. 

“CAN YOU BOTH STOP ACTING LIKE CHILDREN AND SHUT UP FOR _TWO SECONDS_? I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THIS WITH PEOPLE IN THEIR FUCKING 20s, BUT WE ARE PLAYING THE SILENT GAME UNTIL WE REACH THE HOSPITAL, UNDERSTOOD?”

The two nodded silently, knowing not to argue with the elementary school teacher while she was both angry _and_ behind the wheel of a car. Saionji white-knuckled the door handle, doing everything in his power not to comment on the older girl’s terrifying driving, as did Kozue, save for the occasional groan of pain here and there. 

After what seemed like forever, they made it to the hospital, pulling up to the curb by the emergency room's entrance as Saionji hopped out to get Kozue from the back. He carefully helped her out of the car, doing his best to avoid contact with her leg as Wakaba got out to figure out the unnecessarily complicated and presumably expensive parking situation. 

“Alright, up we go,” Saionji huffed, hoisting the indigo-haired girl up once more to get her inside without incident. 

Wakaba had a quiet exchange with the hospital valet before handing him the keys, jogging to catch up with the other two as they made their way to the ER check-in. 

“Careful with the leg, fucko,” Kozue hissed, swatting Saionji’s shoulder as he adjusted his grip on her.

“I hate you so much.”

*************************************************************************************

After an hour or two in the waiting room, the doctors had let Saionji and Wakaba both know that Kozue would be perfectly fine, but that her leg was, indeed, broken. They were allowed to come see her after they’d gotten a cast on, where they were met with an, albeit very tired, girl in unexpectedly good spirits. 

“So remember when you said I’d break my leg coming in that window one day,” Kozue laughed hoarsely, “looks like you were right on that one.”

Saionji just shook his head with a smirk, leaning back against the wall in exhaustion as he took a moment to breathe for the first time since this episode had begun. He’d felt lightheaded for a bit now, and had had a _very_ persistent migraine for the past day or so, but he more or less chalked it up to lack of sleep or something, or in this case, stress. 

Kozue seemed to have fallen back asleep, understandably still woozy from the day’s events, something Saionji wished he could do himself as he felt a soft hand on his arm. 

“Everything okay?” He asked, turning to meet a far less angry, and rather more apologetic, looking Wakaba

“I’m sorry for how I acted earlier, it’s just been a stressful day and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you two and—” She couldn’t finish before Saionji cut her off with a reassuring smile, shaking his head and placing a hand on her cheek briefly as he spoke. 

“No, we _absolutely_ deserved it, besides—with the way we act you really should be losing your shit with us a bit more often.”

The two laughed for a moment before Wakaba regained her composure, expression settling into something oddly serious as she continued. 

“Also, I wanted to talk to you about something—it’s kind of important, if that’s okay,” she mumbled, face flushing as she spoke. Saionji felt a bit nauseous as his vertigo picked up a bit, blinking his eyes quickly until the room stopped spinning long enough for him to respond. He wrote this all off, yet again, deciding it was probably just nerves or something of the like and focusing his attention back to the conversation. 

“Yes? Is everything okay, what’s up?” His voice was a bit shakier as he responded, but the redhead didn’t seem to notice, picking up her line of thought determinedly.

“So I was thinking, y’know, it’s been five or so years we’ve been together now, we’re both decently stable financially and all, and we’re both older and all and I suppose I’ve never brought it up because I didn't know when it would be appropriate to, but how would you feel about, y’know, um, maybe getting married sometime maybe?” Wakaba rambled, tone losing confidence and voice trailing off, leaving her face burning and her gaze averted as she hesitantly finished. 

That was the icing on the cake of raw unbridled stress that day as Saionji’s vision blurred, heading hitting the ground as he blacked out entirely. 

**********************************************************************************

The hospital ended up calling a code green, leaving Wakaba to deal with the newfound anxiety of having two people in the ER to deal with, rather than just one. Kozue, upon waking up, had reassured her that she’d be fine, and so the older girl currently found herself sitting in another room’s flimsy hospital room chair, waiting for her passed-out boyfriend to wake up. 

“What happened?” He asked groggily, blinking quickly to adjust to the stark white of the room around him and noticing the IV drip hooked up to his left arm. 

“Essentially, you passed out from a mix of stress and extreme dehydration,” Wakaba explained, “which I suppose makes sense—when’s the last time you had a cup of water, Saionji,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger to ward off the incoming tension headache these idiots had both caused her before looking up to glare at the fern-haired man across from her. 

“Listen, don't get mad at me,” he pleaded, groaning weakly as he ran a hand through his hair, “but 2 or more days I think? And then there’s my job on top of that, and I have been feeling like shit consistently all this week…”

Wakaba buried her face into her sweater sleeves and let out a muffled scream of frustration, subsequently removing herself with a tired, somewhat forced smile. 

“We’ll talk about this more when we get home, because I am too _exhausted_ to murder you in _public_ ,” she lilted in a sing-song voice, only half joking as she giggled a bit manically and let out a sigh of exasperation.

“And tomorrow, I’m going to Home Depot to make a copy of our keys for Kozue, and to get a lock installed on that _damn window_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'y didnt u mention that he felt sick earlier' cause that ruins the element of ~poorly written surprise~
> 
> also i may have an epilogue coming... but yeah drop a kudos if u liked it and thanks for reading!!! :D


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